As we descended the curvy road which led downwards the Obudu Cattle Ranch, she looked back, as if to see if I was alright. And before I could ask what the problem was, our lips sank into themselves as the cold breeze blew freely into my right ear. A bulge had formed in my jeans again (making it the 4th time). The bike man pretended like we weren’t behind him as he further accelerated down the cloudy road.
“Oya o, na here una go enter car go Obaniku, and from there, you go see cab to Ikom. From Ikom, una fit take bike go Agbokim.”
This was few minutes past 10am.
Luckily, we got a driver who billed us N2500 to take us straight to Ikom. I smelt trouble because a N200 cab ride in Calabar took close to 30 minutes the previous day.
We accepted our fate, dumped our bags in the trunk of the purple Space Wagon. This was after removing the bunch of bananas and a wrap of groundnuts we had bought at the Ranch.
As we drove farther along the pot-hole riddled road which stretched through Biakwan-Boki town to Obaniku, I couldn’t believe such a rickety vehicle could do that much speed. The trees on both sides of the road bowed and waved to acknowledge our presence. We had by now finished the bananas and our driver hadn’t said a word to us since he told us the cost.
It was awkward but what could we do? My only solace is rubbing my girl’s thighs and stealing kisses intermittently while popping the remaining groundnuts, one at a time.
Like the bikers knew where we’re headed, they hustled towards us in an uncoordinated manner to help with our bags.
“Sharp guy!, na me go carry you and your Anty go Agbokim.” said the tallest of them who must have lost his upper incisors in a fist fight. I got angry because he called my babe my Aunt, so I faced the shortest of them.
“Me I be Ransome. Na me be their Chairman for here. I go carry una go Agbokim, wait till una finish, come carry una come back, but e go better make I carry you go hotel first so u go keep these bags.”
“Short people can be reasonable” was the look my babe gave me when our eyes met. We didn’t bother asking much questions before hoping on his bike.
I ensured she sat behind me because I can’t allow her have any physical contact with Mr Ransome. Yeah, I’m that petty. ✌
As we rode into the town-
Ransome: Hotel for here cos well well o.
Me: how much?
Him: hmm. You no say na because say here na town…
Babe: oga, we say howwww much! (almost irritated but I couldn’t hold my laughter)
Him: good hotel na like 6 thouzan” (almost apologetic)
“Oya carry us go there.” she blurted amidst a fatigued laughter.
We got to the hotel, lodged in & before long, we were 30 minutes closer to the less talked-about Agbokim waterfalls.
“You see where we dey go so, na there Nigeria and Cameroon border dey. All the soja wey dey there Sabi me sef.” He said, wearing a proud smile. He didn’t stop talking but still managed to dodge multiple bumps on the untarred road leading to waterfalls.
He greeted tons of passers-by who returned the gestures almost immediately. It gave us the conviction that he truly was who he claimed to be- The Chairman.
“Oya o. Na here we go park. Na leg we go take drag the rest. “I smiled as we followed him farther into the quiet village. No human in sight. Just us and many goats bleating in front of deserted mud houses.
Introduction To Agbokim Waterfall
“Una welcome o,” A woman who must have been watching us from afar shouted. With a large smile, she hurried briskly to catch up with us from behind.
We exchanged greetings before she introduced herself as the tour guide in charge of the destination.
We paid N250 each as entrance fee and then gave her N500 as guide fee. It was easy to tell she was elated.
Then we started walking deeper into the sleepy forest, climbing down some really funny staircases- some of which required us to support ourselves with several bald shrubs.
We soon started hearing loud thuds of falling bodies of water aptly followed by heavy chilly breeze accompanied with droplets of drizzle.
Ransom hadn’t stopped talking. Bae kept clutching on my tiny left arm. And like an army of Dothraki warriors, different thoughts raced helplessly inside my head as we got closer to the cliff which sat adjacent the waterfalls.
– What if this waterfall was a god with 7 penises who just finds joy in pissing from a cliff?
– What will happen if I suddenly slip?
In truth, the scene was electrifying. I wondered what it’d look like if the forest leading to this monument is investigated to ensure it’s safe for hikers and campers. It could even be advertised strategically to musical artists for video shoots. Or even intending couples for pre-wedding shoots.
But hey, wishes aren’t horses. “The least I can do is what I’m currently doing.” I thought within me
Our guide said the downpour could have been much if we came during the rainy season.
We hopped back on our bike after having a filled day taking pictures, videos and of course getting entertained by Ransom.
Since the Nigerian-Cameroon border was just a stone throw away from Agbokim waterfalls, we rode there to see what it looked like.
Now, all very tired and famished, we told Ransom to double his speed while taking us back to our hotel in Ikom.
On our way back, I was fascinated with what I saw at a mini palm oil processing plant by the road side, so I begged Ransom and babe to allow me interview the lady in charge. I wanted to learn about the production process.
On getting to the hotel around 6pm, Ransom almost fainted when I gave him N3,000, a thousand more than he had charged. “You see, that’s one of the numerous benefits of travel.” I told my girlfriend when she asked why I gave him more than what we agreed.
We exchanged numbers before he disappeared through the gates.
* * *
Tips on Exploring Agbokim Waterfalls.
- Go with a bike and beg him to stay
- Go with someone
- The best time to go is during rainy season.
- Wear good hiking shoes.
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